His Farewell…

Working as a Peer Bridger for the past eight years has been a transformative experience for me. Having once been a resident at the New York shelter where I now work, I am able to connect with individuals who are going through similar struggles and still on the road to recovery. My job allows me to be myself, utilizing my personal experiences with pain, trauma, and mental health issues as valuable tools to help others.

Over the years, I have encountered countless moments that have had a profound impact on me. However, there is one particular incident that will forever remain etched in my memory. One day, a man arrived at the shelter and approached me with a humble request, "Please, can you let me use your cellphone? I need to talk to my mom, and it's something important." Without a second thought, I handed my phone to him, recognizing the importance of familial connection, especially during trying times.

While he conversed with his mother, I gave him some space, attempting to respect his privacy. However, it was difficult not to overhear snippets of the conversation that carried a sense of profoundness.

He was bidding farewell, seeking forgiveness, and expressing gratitude for his mother's unwavering support. It felt like a bittersweet goodbye, indicative of his decision to give up on his ongoing struggles.

As our eyes met, I sensed an unspoken gratitude in his gaze, thanking me for allowing him this opportunity to say goodbye to his mother. I told him, "Not a problem, man. Is there anything else I can do for you?" He simply replied, "Nah, but thanks." 

He left and I looked to see who he was assigned to, and couldn't help but notice that he seemed to be having a hard time. There was something about him that struck a chord within me, reminding me of a dark period in my own life.

I decided to reach out to the social worker on site and share my concerns about this individual. As the day went by, I couldn't shake the thought of him from my mind.

There was something about his words that resonated with me, bringing me back to a time ten years ago when I experienced one of my worst and most memorable relapses with crack addiction and mental health issues. It sounded eerily familiar, and I could feel his pain and desperation even though I barely knew him.

The next day when I arrived at work, I was greeted by a scene that sadly is not uncommon in my line of work. There were police cars and EMTs surrounding the building. My heart sank as I realized it was the same guy I had seen less than 24 hours ago. He had overdosed and was found sitting lifeless on the floor. That day changed my life forever.

I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and regret. I questioned whether there was something more I could have done for him, if I could have somehow prevented this tragedy.

I carried the weight of his death on my shoulders, feeling like I had failed him. But deep down, I knew that some people reach a point where they no longer have the strength to fight.

It saddened me to realize that this was his reality. It was a harsh reminder of the importance of the work I do and the significance of the support I provide to those in need.

In that moment, I also felt a surge of gratitude. I was grateful for the strength I had found to say goodbye to my own destructive past and for the opportunity to be here, telling my story. It reminded me that even though I couldn't save everyone, I had the power to make a difference in the lives of those who were still fighting their own battles.

The death of that man served as a catalyst for change in my life. It pushed me to reevaluate my own journey of recovery and to be even more committed to helping others find their own path. It taught me that sometimes all we can do is offer support and compassion, and that even in the face of tragedy, we must continue to fight for those who are struggling.

So, as I reflect on that day, I carry the lessons I learned with me. I understand that there will be moments when I feel helpless and overwhelmed, but I am determined to use my own experiences to bring hope to others.

I will honor the memory of that man by continuing to lend a helping hand and by never giving up on those who haven't given up on themselves.

K.P.

Shared by K.P.